Seriously. Damn near impossible.
I almost want to put a WANTED ad in the local newspaper. It would probably be titled something like this: MWF (Married White Female) Seeking F for BFF. What would that WANTED ad say? This is what I'm thinking. You could probably add to this list.
MWF Seeking F for BFF must be/have:
- A hilarious laugh that borders on snorting; likes to laugh often
- Not hell-bent on body image, exercising, pilates, yoga and other things in which she feels like she has to brag about it ALL THE TIME
- Wears hoodies occasionally...when needed of course
- Wears jeans
- Confident; sticks up for you and is a solid friend
- Cusses, jokes, drinks wine and/or beer and makes you laugh (if you're in to that)
- Does not play the one-up game, i.e. "I had a long week at work." "Oh no, you don't know long...I had a MUCH longer week at work...it was so long and busy...wow."
- Enjoys outings; easy shopper that does not wander (I don't want to look everywhere for you for an hour!)
- Good stories (a must!); enjoys talking about crazy adventures from college...lol
- Keeps secrets you share and doesn't disclose them to her husband/bf/other
- Doesn't talk behind your back
- Loves you for who you are
Your list might look very different. This is my what I'm looking for in a friend...
Seriously, it's the toughest thing in the world to find a woman that fits the bill. I try...I go to mommy groups, I go to Meet-Up groups for culturally diverse families, I am in an adoption group, I have neighbors... I smile. I give them compliments. I say, "Ohhh we should totally get together." And then nothing. It never goes any further.
The bottom line, since we didn't move up north this past summer, I hate it here primarily because I have no friendships here. Sure, I know people...we hang occasionally. But, I walk away so exhausted from dealing with their "stuff" that there is NO ROI. And if I ever needed them, they wouldn't be there.
This is my test: If I broke down in my car in the middle of the night an hour away from the home (no cell phone, just a local pay phone) and I needed someone to come pick me up, would the person do it. Likely, they wouldn't. Or, they'd send their husband. Or, they'd be so late I would have already been abducted by crazies or mountain lions.
At some point I ask myself what I'm doing wrong. I'm certainly not perfect. Maybe I'm giving off a wacky vibe. Maybe I'm not approachable. I have been told that before at a networking class. I give that snobby business vibe off and totally don't mean too...unless dealing with men. lol
I'll stop whining now, but seriously, if you have any ideas or thoughts on how I can be better at friend collection, I would really appreciate it. It's lonely as hell here and it sucks.
You're probably wondering why I'm going into this topic...long story about a KF (kinda friend) who drives me insane to the point where I want to cry. She plays the one-up game better then anyone I know.
Give me some pointers ladies. I know you know how to make friends!
Join a knitting group. Seriously. I learned to knit last summer and found a local group on ravelry. I made a couple of amazing friends and many great friends via my local Starbucks knitting group. Having something to do with your hands and eyes while talking makes it really easy. And learning to knit (if you don't already) is really easy using YouTube. And it's okay if you only have time to knit with the group. Nobody will care.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have taken my knitters with me when I moved. I really miss them...
I so feel you. I join the play groups but it never goes beyond small talk. I still feel as awkward as I did in high school. I can chat with people on facebook, but there's no one I can call just to talk, or stop by their house to say hi. I'm at a loss.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband on Match & always say there needs to be a site like that to find friends because I feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteWhen you figure this out please let me know. Since we moved 6 years ago and I work from home, it's been terribly difficult to find a new BFF. Our lists are the same, except for #8. I'm a wanderer - especially at Target. But I think we might be able to reign that in.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not alone! Adri, we live close! We should totally get together for lunch sometime! :)
ReplyDeleteI suck at making friends too :(. I always need someone else to take the lead, as I'm never sure that the other person actually wants to spend time with me and I hate to impose. But yeah, I really need friends, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm at a loss too. I'm kind of shy when it comes to social situations. One neighbourhood woman whose daughter and nanny hang out with mine sent along a card one day to say hi. We had her and and her husband and baby over last year, and though she said "we should meet up at the park sometime", it never turned into anything. I emailed her a couple more times to suggest a weekend, and she'd eventually write back saying she'd been busy, but next week.... Then I wouldn't hear anything for months. Now that I hear she's pregnant with #2 (of course she's not IF), I'm probably just as glad to not be hanging out. It was so disappointing to have a lead on a new friend and then apparently be not well liked.
ReplyDeleteIt was so much easier at university...
I thought about joinging a meet-up group while I was on mat leave, but that never panned out as I was tied to my house and breast pump every 2 hours. Then I've been back at work with a busy schedule there. I don't know how you really go about making new friends at this stage of life. I've heard it gets better when kids get to be school-aged, as you'll get to know other parents in their class. I don't know if I believe that though. It really kind of sucks! I met one friend via ivf.ca forums and my IVF clinic, but then she moved to a different province. Sigh.
Your list sounds darn-near perfect though!